


Troubled Thoughts and The Self Esteem to Match

by ManiacManaged4749



Category: The Orville (TV)
Genre: Drinks, F/M, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 23:55:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20072719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManiacManaged4749/pseuds/ManiacManaged4749
Summary: Ed and Kelly have a talk about all things that have happened in the past year.





	Troubled Thoughts and The Self Esteem to Match

He looked into the oblivion of space and replayed every last event that had happened over the past year. _"Captain! Do you ever sit in your quarters and look out the window? Do you ever stop and watch the darkness out there? It's very, very dark out in space. Looks so empty. But there are terrors lurking all around us in the infinite shadows. You can't see them but they are there." _The words rand in his ears. Ed knew it wasn't easy being a captain but he also knew that out of all of the ships in the union, it was his ship that led the Kaylon to earth and enable them to destroy so many innocent lives. He still blamed himself even months after. Sitting on the edge of his bed in the dimly lit quarters he held a glass of whiskey which he had forgotten since he poured himself it. It was easy to loose a grip on reality. He had no idea how long he had been sat there doing nothing. Ever since Claire had said that he did it regularly, he knew she was right especially after everything that had happened and just proved to him that no one knows what is around the corner.

Turning his head to look at the clock illuminated on the bedside table, he read 2:49 am. Sighing, he looked down at the alcohol in his hands and lifted it up to his lips and downed it in one, grimacing as the amber liquid burned down his throat. Some days he just wanted to drink himself to oblivion and forget about everything and most of the time it was all he could do. It was lonely at the top and no one knew what he was going through. He suffered everyday but never showed it. What would they think of having a captain that was unstable? They wouldn't think he was fit for command, that's one. But other things came into his head that made him feel worse. Why does he do this to himself?

A ring sounded through his quarters and snapped him back to reality. His eyes dropped their last tears as he wiped them away, making sure no one saw him like he was. Answering the call, he moved into view of the camera as the image came up. It was Kelly. Of course it was. He smiled, "Hey," he spoke, "what's up? Can't sleep?"

Kelly nodded, "Yeah, I was thinking we could go down to the mess hall and grab a late one of you want to."

"Yeah, that'd be nice." He smiled to her, how could he say no.

* * *

"I've said it once and I'll say it again, the mess hall looks nice like this on a week night." Kelly spoke, looking around the room until her eyes averted to the black obiss of space.

"Yeah, it really is." He answered, looking down at his glass trying not to lock eyes with her.

"It's crazy isn't it, everything. Everything that has happened these past years. Yes it has been madness but it has also been good, in some areas." She told him.

"Uh huh." Ed mumbled still looking down at his glass. He wished he had drunk his drink quicker and gotten drunk earlier so he could say what he needed and deny it all later. But no.

"Hey, are you alright?" Kelly turned to look at him, she was worried about him, "You don't seem your usual self." She spoke softly.

"I'm fine." He uttered, never moving his head to look at something else.

"No your not, I can tell." Kelly informed him

Slowly, Ed looked up and saw Kelly. He saw the worry written on her face, her ocean blue eyes darkened not only by the light but also fear. She'd seen this before, him unable to talk or look at someone and she hated it. Grabbing the glass, Ed pressed it against his lips and poured all of its contents into his mouth. Slamming it on the table right after and reached for the bottle in front of him. "I'm fine." He tried to reassure her but failing to as his his voice cracked. He was on the verge of breaking down. "You know, even though we've done good things and helped a lot of people, I still feel that I am responsible for most of the things that have happened to the ship, to everyone on it and to different people around the Universe. Despite what people tell me." He paused, finally looking fully into Kelly's eyes. "The Kaylon attack. That was my fault. It was my choice to send him back and it was my ship that led them to Earth." He finished.

"Ed, it wasn't your fault. You didn't know that any of they was going to happen-" Ed tried to speak but Kelly stopped him "And don't say that you are responsible for it because you are not. The Kaylon are. And also if you say that you could've just not taken Isaac back, that's wrong. Because you are the best captain there is; you're kind, you're helpful and that is the amazing person that I know and love. That is the captain, you, no matter what happens. Okay?" She reached for his hands and wrapped hers around them. "Okay?"

"Okay." Ed stumbled on the word. He felt tears drop down his cheek one by one as he finally showed the person he loved and trusted the most what he was truly feeling.

Slowly and carefully Kelly lifted her hand up to his face and rested it on his cheek, wiping away the tears that fell away. She didn't want to hurt him or make him feel worse, she wanted to make sure he was okay. Cautiously, she stood up and moved around to his side and sat next to him and pulled him into a hug, allowing him to let everything out and not feel alone, just like they used to.

They have each other's backs no matter what and are there for one another in the darkest of days. And what they needed was each other. Even if they weren't together anymore it just felt right and safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this piece of work. It took quite a while to write and get it as good as I possibly could. Thanks for reading. I'm still getting used to writing more effectively and better so bare with me. Thanks!


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